silly

When confronted by an issue that needs resolving, you parents likely told you that there are appropriate responses and responses that are not so good. The difference is usually dependent upon what part of your brain you use, or even if you are using your brain at all. For example, if you have a child that exhibits bad behavior, you need to demonstrate why that behavior is bad and then show that there are consequences. If you use the part of your brain where you feel sorry for them, you can present a bad example by rewarding the bad behavior in the guise of ‘bailing them out’ and presenting no consequences. Similarly, if you find a bullet in your yard, you can use the rational side of the brain and get it to law enforcement, or you can use the juvenile part of your brain and decide to smash it with a hammer and get a bullet in the gut.

When I was a rug-rat growing up in the windy plains of the Texas panhandle, one of our principle joys as kids was to go to my grandfather’s drive-in theater, watch the parents set up the window speaker, sit through the cartoons, and then, when the actual movie started, jump out of the car and run up to the projection booth. There were several reasons that we did this. The best and fore-most reason was that my Grandfather made the best chili pie in the entire south. He would cook this chili con carne dish of his forever, and when we showed up in the booth, he would slit open a small bag of Fritos and top it off with his chili, and I could literally eat my weight in this stuff. When he thought I was about to be just too full, why, he would send me back to my parent’s car with a box of candy and let my parents worry about the results.

This was in the 60’s, and this was way out in the country, so the best of the best movies we did not get to see for a while after they had been officially released, but, oh my, there were some movies that could take even a kid’s attention away from the chili pie, cotton candy and milk-duds.

It was there that I saw Raquel Welch in her fur bikini in “One Million Years BC”. Granted, I did not appreciate her fur bikini as much as I did the stop-action monsters until I was older, but I still have a clear memory of that movie. “Creature from the Black Lagoon” was another that made me pause from forcing chili pie down my throat long enough to be scared of the guy in the green wet-suit. I could list several others that made their way into my twisted psyche, but few could compare to “Planet of the Apes.” Charlton Heston, in his leather rags, talking to an ape with the voice of Roddy McDowall, just about made my little brain flat-line. Who would have guessed that intelligent apes would have a pronounced English accent? My kids today think that the special effects came from an Xbox 360 at the best, but at the time, it did not matter as much that their mouths did not move naturally. I loved that movie, and I still do, even though my tastes are not quite as innocent as they are now. I just knew than, and I am certain now, that apes of the non-homo species would someday start acquiring the habits of the modern Homo-sapiens. After all, even as a kid I knew people that were far less sophisticated than Dr. Zaius.

"Come give Daddy some sugar...."

Now we have proof of these phenomena.

Our friends at The Onion are at it again with their hard-hitting and relevant journalism. I applaud their daring and and conviction by interviewing even those that this country is at war against.

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