A Possible Explanation for India

In 2001, the residents of India began to experience a rain shower. This is nothing new, of course, in a land that regularly gets flooded in the monsoon season. The difference was that this rain was red. Deep red.

But that was not the truly unusual thing about this rain. Scooping some of this red rain up into his test tubes and running off to his laboratory, Dr. Godfrey Louis, naturally, shoved some of this stuff under a microscope. This is what scientists do. What he saw were a predominance of microbes. Again, this is not really unusual, as most water has some kind of colony of bugs floating around. Then he pulled out the high-tech equipment and tested for DNA, and discovered that there was no discernable DNA in these otherwise living microbes.

This is where we switch from your regular “Joe Scientist” to “Dr. Joe Mad-Scientist.” Professor Chandra Wickramasinghe and the late Dr. Fred Hoyle are/were two scientists that postulated that life could have been in a different part of space than Earth and during the course of time just splattered on our planet it flew through the void. Think of it as sort of a Cosmic Planetary Bukkake. I am not alone in this imagery, as the theory is called Panspermia. According to an article from the BBC: “They speculate that life was first brought here on the back of a comet. Over the last decade, Panspermia is being taken ever more seriously.”

As more proof of their idea that this red rain was extraterrestrial in origin, they heated these microbes up to 300 Celsius (and for you lunkheads that are running to Wikkipedia, that is three times the boiling point of water) and still these little future Indians were able to somehow replicate. You thought that drunken Indian elephants were scary? You thought that a girl with a full human mandible in her chest was weird? How about the sub-continent of India crawling with microbes that seem to be from outer space?

In my mind, this answers a lot of questions. Like, for example, how did India get to be so damn strange in the first place? In fairness, it might explain Oklahoma as well, but I digress.