Panties Are Miraculous?

Hello friends and neighbors! Yes, it has been a while since your friend and lifeline to the strange has posted, but I have had other issues in my life than putting out blogs of late. So, all three of my loyal readers can now sit back and rejoice that I have returned to my peanut-butter crusted keypad to hammer out some more nonsense for your approval and enlightenment.

Two articles have caught my attention today. Yes, that is two….more than one and less than three. You all thought I could not read that much in one week did you? Fie on you, of course I can, with the help of a secretary and my tattered copy of Webster’s Dictionary.

These two articles pertain to some of my favorite things; women’s unmentionable under-things, earthquakes, and frogs.

That is some DAMNED GOOD FROG!

It seems that in the aftermath of the terrible storm that hit Burma in the recent past, many thousands of peoples have died and many more will do so unless the intransigent leadership of Myanmar gives way and allows us despicable westerners the chance to ship in untold amounts of food and medical aid that we have already donated and are sitting in places like Thailand just waiting to be eaten or used. In their supreme wisdom, the government there has decided that medicine and carbohydrates are of little use:

Myanmar's ruling junta lashed out at foreign aid donors Friday, saying cyclone victims did not need supplies of "chocolate bars" and could instead survive by eating frogs and fish. The New Light of Myanmar newspaper, a government mouthpiece, also warned that foreign relief workers could snoop inside homes, and condemned donors for linking aid money to full access to the hardest-hit regions in the Irrawaddy Delta.

How bizarre can you get? The typical Burmese is sitting in the shattered remains of his hut, looking at his grandmother who is broken in 12 places, starving, and he thinks to himself “hmmm, I think what I need to do is get me a frog.” What is a frog going to do for granny’s medical problems? He is just going to slather up her broken limbs with “good ol’ frog” and that is just going to do it, eh? Of course! Just listen to what these morans do there!

An assessment team from the Association of Southeast Asian Nations was set to arrive in Yangon on Friday for a nearly two-week mission to determine how best to help the 2.4 million survivors in desperate need of food, shelter and medicine.

Do these relief workers get a chance to actually save people? Of course not, and the planes sit on the runways and grandma dies of complications. But this is not how bizarre the whole thing goes.

There is an international movement afoot to send the Myanmar fascists something that will certainly solve this thing. I know what you are thinking. More FOOD! More bandages! More antibiotics! Right? No, you are wrong. This group intends to send to Burmese Embassies nothing other than women’s panties. It is called “Panties for Peace.”

Panties.

THIS will teach them TO MESS WITH US!!!

Damn.

I thought that using corn for fuel instead of feeding people was a really bad idea. Now this? What the hell is wrong with this planet? Now your typical Burmese is sitting in his ruined house, looking at his grandmother who is dying, and he now has a choice of giving her a Victoria’s Secret thong or a nice lacy-looking pair of bloomers instead of this huge juicy frog he has just caught?

“Hey Granny! You ain’t gonna believe this, but I can really fix you up now with something HOT!”

“Tired of frogs? Put one of these babies on and you are going to feel like a million dollars!”

Christ on a bike. We have lost our collective minds. Now, to give this movement its due, the reasoning behind this insane effort is that evidently the Burmese are stone-age morons that believe that touching a woman’s ‘unmentionables’ will take away their power. Does anyone here really believe that? We send the government in Myanmar a bunch of soiled undergarments and suddenly they say “Whoa! Look at this! I have handled panties! Call a taxi, Bob, I am outa here! Let democracy and common sense prevail!”

This group says: “It's an effective way to get the message out about the junta's abuse of women.”

Is it? Is it really? Last I checked, dictators that murder their own people are likely going to burn most of these things, wear the rest and never tell anyone, and the government is not going to collapse because a bunch of insane women sent them their underwear. Can we only dream that it would be that simple to overthrow despotic military regimes? Look send ME the undergarments. I can get them washed and put them into the Salvation Army….now stop it! STOP IT! Phelonius only wears selected women’s undergarments!.....and we can give poor people here something to wear.

Shame! You people with dirty minds!

That is all for now from your intrepid reporter of the weird. Live long and prosper.